The Joker's Desperation
by Windrises
Summary: The Joker thinks he's the most dangerous super villain in Gotham so he tries to prove it.


Note: Batman is not owned and created by me. This story is dedicated to Bob Kane, Bill Finger, Adam West, and all of the wonderful people who have helped the Batman franchise.

Batman was working on a antidote to take care of a recent crime spree. Batman saw Alfred come in the Bat Cave so he asked "Is there any new crimes going on Alfred?"

Alfred Pennyworth said "The Joker broke out of Arkham Asylum yesterday."

Batman replied "I'll have to take care of the Joker later. I'm still working on this other adventure."

Alfred asked "But isn't the Joker your most dangerous rival?"

Batman said "No. He's just the one who bothers me the most often."

The Joker escaped from Arkham Asylum and was excited to see Batman the police stress out and worry about how to stop him. The Joker said "I'm so wanted by Batman and the others that they I'm sure that'll be voted as the most wanted criminal in Gotham. That would be the biggest honor of my lovely crime career." The Joker told Kite Man to steal a copy of the newspaper that had Gotham's most wanted list on it.

A few minutes the Joker was walking around a mostly empty street. Kite Man was flying around on a kite, but he accidentally started falling and crash landed on the Joker. The Joker said "You should be more careful dude."

Kite Man replied "I'm sorry. I was trying to fly around on my awesome kite, but the wind was out of control."

The Joker asked "Did you steal the newspaper?"

Kite Man replied "I tried to, but the newspaper stand guy threatened to hurt me so I bought the newspaper instead of stealing it."

The Joker said "You fail when it comes to crime. You're probably super low on the most wanted list."

Kite Man proudly said "I'm pretty scary." The Joker laughed. Kite Man said "Tell me the results clown dude."

The Joker replied "These results must be fake. I'm not at the top of the list."

Kite Man proudly asked "Am I in the top 10 most wanted list?"

The Joker said "Actually you're 90 on the most wanted list."

Kite Man replied "Well that means I'm somewhat scary."

The Joker said "These list results are garbage. In fact a trash can would have better opinions on who Gotham's most dangerous criminals are. I'm not even in the top 5!"

Kite Man asked "What's the list say?"

The Joker said "According to the people that wrote this list Bane, the Scarecrow, Poison Ivy, Ra's al Ghul, Mr. Freeze, and the Penguin are more threatening than me. Don't these results seem like lies?"

Kite Man replied "Not so much. You're not much more than a goofy clown who does random stuff."

The Joker said "But I broke Batman's back."

Kite Man replied "Bane did that, not you."

The Joker asked "Did I ever freeze Batman?"

Kite Man replied "No."

The Joker asked "Have I ever outsmarted Batman?"

Kite Man replied "Yeah right."

The Joker said "Well I'm going to do a crime to prove to Batman and the rest of Gotham how great I really am."

Kite Man asked "Do you want me to break Harley Quinn out of Arkham Asylum so she can help you?"

The Joker said "No. If she helps me people might think I need help for my crimes which I promise isn't true. In fact I don't want you around either. If you want to play with your kite go to the park."

Kite Man replied "Okay." The Joker tried to think of a great idea for a crime while Kite Man started walking to the park.

The next day the Joker broke into a candy store and said "Greetings candy fans. I'm the Joker, the most dangerous super villain in Gotham."

The candy store owner asked "What are you going to do Joker?"

The Joker said "I'm going to steal every single piece of candy in the store. It'll be the tastiest crime of my magical career."

A few minutes later Batman arrived at the candy store. By then the Joker had bagged up a few hundred pieces of candy. Batman said "Greetings Joker."

The Joker asked "How did you get here so fast?"

Batman said "I was at the park nearby where I defeated Kite Man. What are you trying to do this time Joker?"

The Joker replied "I'm doing a crime so evil that you may need a napkin for your tears."

Batman said "Stop being overdramatic and tell me what you're doing."

The Joker replied "My plan is to steal every single piece of candy from this candy store. Without the candy this store will be put of business forever."

The candy store owner said "Actually I'll just order some more candy."

The Joker replied "Well it'll be really inconvenient for you." The Joker laughed.

Batman said "I should just let the police take care of your mundane crimes."

The Joker replied "I'm the opposite on mundane. I'm special."

Batman said "You're not a good type of special you unthreatening goofball."

The Joker threw bags of candy at Batman. Batman punched the Joker across the room. It took a moment for the Joker to get back up. After the Joker stood up Batman punched him back to the ground. After being kicked for a few minutes the Joker passed out. Batman took the Joker back to Arkham Asylum."

While in Arkham Asylum the Joker heard criminals laughing at him. The Joker asked "Am I so funny that I don't even need to tell jokes anymore?"

The Penguin said "You're a joke."

The Joker angrily replied "How dare you call me that you bird seed collector."

The Penguin said "You couldn't even steal a few bags of candy. You're less threatening than my pets."

The Joker said "It seems like the fools around here have forgotten how scary I am."

Poison Ivy replied "You could never be scary after your attempts to prank Scooby-Doo."

The Scarecrow said "He also lost a surfing contest to Batman."

The Joker angrily replied "You're bringing up old news to make me look bad."

Poison Ivy asked "Do you actually think you're Batman's best enemy?"

The Joker said "I promise you fools that I am."

The Scarecrow replied "I'm scarier than you."

The Joker said "Yeah right. You couldn't even scare Dorothy and her friends. I'm going to break out of Arkham Asylum and do a crime bigger than any super villain in Gotham has ever done." The Joker laughed.

The next day the Joker broke out of Arkham Asylum. The Joker drove to a movie theater and stole all of the popcorn. The workers tried to stop him, but the Joker used kock out gas on him.

A few hours later Bruce Wayne arrived at the concession stand. Bruce asked "Can I have some popcorn please?"

The employee said "No. I'm sorry dude. We don't have any popcorn left."

Bruce said "But this place is supposed to have popcorn. How did you run out of all your popcorn?"

The employee replied "Some guy stole all of it."

Bruce said "Well I'm not going to this theater, until it gets popcorn."

A random girl replied "Great idea Mr. Wayne. Lets protest against this place."

Bruce said "There's no need to protest. Lets try to work things out peacefully."

A week later the movie theater got closed down. Bruce said "I feel like this is my fault."

The Joker replied "Hey. Don't take credit for my best crime."

Bruce asked "Why did you steal a bunch of popcorn?"

The Joker said "To prove to my the other criminals that I'm the most dangerous criminal in Gotham."

Bruce replied "No offense Mr. Joker, but I don't think getting a movie theater to shut down is the biggest crime ever."

The Joker responded "But most of the crimes that the super villains do failed. This crime actually worked. The people who worked there will be broke and the citizens of Gotham will have to drive extra miles to go to a different movie theater."

Bruce said "Then I'll buy the movie theater and give all of the workers raises."

The Joker replied "Batman didn't even need to try to stop me this time. Bruce Wayne defeated me."

Bruce said "That's really ironic."

The Joker still wanted to prove how dangerous he is so he ran into a store and pulled out a laser ray. The Joker started zapping random customers. The Joker's laser ray made the customers pass out. The Joker laughed while he stole stuff from the store. He proudly said "This is the best crime Gotham's ever experienced."

Batman entered the store and replied "You're the clown prince of desperation."

The Joker said "But my laser ray is super scary and it's knocked out plenty of customers."

Batman replied "Then I'll stop your weird crime." Batman grabbed the laser ray and knocked out the Joker. After the Joker passed out Batman took him back to Arkham Asylum.

Two weeks later the Joker read the newspaper that had the latest results on who the most dangerous super villains in Arkham Asylum are. The Joker read the list and said "I got lower on the list. I'm # 15 on the most wanted list." The other villains in Arkham Asylum started laughing. The Joker was mad at first, but he said "It's pretty funny." The Joker started laughing about how unthreatening he is.


End file.
